you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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