So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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