Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
