I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
