just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
