he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
