@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
