you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
