swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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