I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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