Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
