wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
