i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
