he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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