Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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