This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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