based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Two words: nipple clamps
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