i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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