Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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