The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
