dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
