I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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