Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So vagazzling was a success
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