If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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