We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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