4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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