Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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