Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
