I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
