Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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