Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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