New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
