ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
