margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
