i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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