I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
