dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
