dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
