With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How drunk are you?
Completed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
