so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
