if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
