Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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