I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
