I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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