I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Randomize
