im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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