Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
