before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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