So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
