if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
