jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
