I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
